I Went on a Date with Myself

A candle was lit in the kitchen, accompanied by low-light throughout the apartment. Garam masala permeated the air. The husband was away, and I didn't have to go anywhere that night. It was a relaxing night and perfect night for a date. A date with me, myself, and I.




People often say in the wake of hardship, "Do something nice for yourself", which is not bad advice. I have heard people say this when someone is overwhelmed with family obligations or a frustrating job. I like to take this advice and take it up a notch. "Doing something nice" for another person is usually something involving a chore. Helping your neighbor with their groceries is nice, or bringing a can of coffee to your office so the secretary doesn't have to is nice. These are things, though,  you wouldn't exactly do for you. The next step beyond simply being nice, is adding the personal touches. When you are in the doldrums, you don't need a favor- you need a date with YOU.

Here are some guidelines for setting up a self-date night. Keep in mind, if you have kids or other family obligations, these are things you don't necessarily need to be alone to enjoy. The whole idea is to get to know yourself and the things that can make you happy.

1) What haven't you done in a while?

Butternut squash soup, smoked cheddar, and NA wine. 

When was the last time you saw a movie? Or got a manicure? Have you been to a local park or museum, or the restaurants nearby? When was the last time you sat on the couch and just listened to music? Do you feel more relaxed at home or outside? These are just a few things to think about. Ultimately, you can do whatever you want on your date night, but making it an activity you haven't done in a while makes it special. I hate to be one for the band wagon, but coloring books (I like both the ones meant for adults or kids) are instantly gratifying, and most of us anxiety ridden adults haven't colored since 5th grade. Last night, I decided to make a butternut squash soup because my husband detests squash. Since he wasn't home, I could make whatever I want for dinner and light candles and play traditional Guzheng music. It was a the kind of night that I really could only enjoy by myself. And that's the key: your date night is not meant to impress anyone but yourself. So surprise yourself with something old, something new, something you.

2) Dress and Assemble Accordingly
So now you got a plan... what do you need? If you're staying home, make sure you got all your supplies. If you decide to go out, make sure you know where you're going. And, of course, dress up for your eyes only! If you want to see yourself dolled-up, then beat that face away, even  if  no one else sees you. Alternatively, you don't have to worry about the way look and go for comfort especially if you are doing something active. Either way, make sure you plan ahead of time so you don't need to worry come date night.

3) Don't Break the Bank
This is pretty straight forward. No matter what you decide to do, you are worth the time and effort. Consider, though, ways to save on your date. Coupon your supplies, order the specials, look for the discount nights. If you want to stay home, you probably already have everything you need and don't need to worry about buying dinner or tickets. If you aren't exactly sure about what you want to do and you are on a budget, look up free events in your local area. Libraries or community centers are a good place to start. I am from Pittsburgh, and I can vouch for many free art museums, bike trials, and local music events. Do some research, you'll be surprised what you find!

4) Follow-Up In a Journal
Make notes about your night, no matter if it was pleasant or a disaster. Even a simple note on your cell phone or a Post-It will be enough to remind you to how it went. You don't need to think about all these but here are few questions to consider:
*How did it go? *What would you do different? *What did you like? *Would you ever want to do this activity with someone else? *Why was this activity important to you?
All these things and any other reflections are good to keep track of. You can use these notes for another night ;)

I hope this helps with anyone needing a little pick-me-up this week... or any week. Getting to know the things that make you happy is a good tool. In moments facing addiction or harmful activities, we need distractions or alternatives. Even if you make a list of things you want to do, you can keep that list to remind yourself "there are so many other things to make me happy, and I deserve it".

And you do deserve it.

Much Love,
Sam